Kevin Craig

The first game Kevin ever played was Tooth Invaders on a yellowed Commodore VIC-20. This proved to be such a traumatic experience that he vowed to never brush his teeth again. Years later, armed with newer, stronger, bionic teeth, he was able to ascend to a high plane of understanding while meditating to the music of the Duck-Tales Moon stage. He now exists as a being of pure digital light, softly lighting the pathway to an 8-Bit Valhalla. Also, his breath is fierce.

Greg Teuscher

G.R.E.G.O.R.Y is an Artificial Intelligence experiment started in a lab at MIT. G.R.E.G.O.R.Y. was set to become the most developmentally advanced AI unit ever programmed, with abilities exceeding those of the robot from Small Wonders. Unfortunately, the professor working on this project died in a tragic tennis accident in 1992. G.R.E.G.O.R.Y. now sits in a lab all day playing gyromite without R.O.B., unable to advance chronologically beyond the date his maker died. It is said that when another programmer comes along, he will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Ryan Schulein

At age 4 Ryan beat Contra for NES without the use of the Konami code. I know what you’re thinking, you STILL can’t beat Contra without cheating. Which is good evidence that you are not the kind of man that Ryan is. If forced to chose, he would claim RPG’s to be his favorite genre of games, though he prefers a smorgus board of games coming in all shapes and sizes. Although unless the game is really REALLY good, he would prefer the size to be small. And unless the game is really old, he would prefer the game to be shaped like a disc. The last time Turok Rage Wars was placed in his disc drive, Sony refused to honor his warranty, claiming “It was an act of God” . Apparently dust also falls under this category.

Tom Conroy

Tommy has been playing games ever since he found his dad’s ColecoVision in the attic, at first mistaking it for a “future telephone.” After an unsuccessful attempt to dial the Care Bears on the controller, his Dad showed him the true purpose of the machine by hooking up the RF converter to the 20″ Sanyo in the living room.


“Look son,” he said “It’s Donkey Kong, a video game. You use the paddle [controller] to make the man jump over barrels to rescue his girlfriend.”

“But what are the numbers on the paddle for, Dad?”

“Alas it is one of the great mysteries of Coleco.”

“Dad, I don’t understand.”

“When you are a man you’ll understand…”

Joe Lifrieri

Joe Lifrieri is the designer and webmaster of Bomb Guts, as well as a contributor.

BOMB GUTS EXPANDED UNIVERSE BIO: After wresting control of the HyperNET from the ArcHeart hive-mind computer system, Joe used all of his zombie wizardry to create a perfect golden castle of anti-physics known as THE OBELISK OF RECIPROCITY. Several thousand years later, the castle came to be inhabited by four space pirates whom Joe decided were cool. They named the castle Bomb Guts because they thought it’d look better on envelopes. The End.