November 13th, 2009
Friday the 13th for NES is fucking awful. A terrible, shambling wreck of a game that, much like Jason Voorhees, refuses to die. I was unfortunate enough to have this game as a kid and my inability to make even a small amount of progress in it still haunts me. Some nights, I wake up in a cold sweat and find myself screaming, “GEORGE, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SLOW!?”
I have been to Camp Crystal Lake. I have heard the shrill uncontrollable bleeping of countless young campers being slain. I have been stalked by zombies, attacked by crows, and lost in an endless maze of trees. I have stared in to the absolute definition of terror time after time and failed.
But not tonight. Tonight, I drag Jason Voorhees and his horrible NES cart STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL.
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By Kevin |
Posted in the Gut Check category
October 27th, 2009
For the occasion of Halloween, I recreated most of the signs from the demo onto 8.5″ x 11″ paper so you can print and hang them around for a cool type of decoration! I’d love to see a house that was set up like a failed quarantine area in the game. I think it’d be the coolest thing ever. With a little fake blood on some stuff, a bunch of signs, a floodlight, and a few sawhorses, I think you could pull off something awesome.
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By Joe |
Posted in the Meta category
October 1st, 2009
The powers that be at Bomb Guts have told me that I haven’t written an article in over a month and that if I don’t put something together by tomorrow night, I’ll lose my job, access to the company Lamborghini, and my $5,000 per diem. Much like the bulk of the research papers I wrote in college, I only saw one way to make it through this with a job…I’m going to make all of the research up and hope they don’t check my sources. Since there are no cliff notes for video games, this review will be based on my imagination, bullet points written by NCSoft, and screenshots provided by the Aion community.
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By Greg |
Posted in the Gut Check category
September 27th, 2009
So, I got the red ring of death recently. Over the past six months or so, my 360 has had a few “false starts”, but it always came back around. These near death experiences, where my console would not boot up fully and the lights would flicker a crimson omen of doom, had me somewhat prepared for an eventual breakdown, so I sort of expected it. And therein lies the problem. I fucking EXPECTED it.
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By Ryan |
Posted in the Short Fuse category
September 18th, 2009
Foreword: I’m writing this article at the behest of Kevin. I almost didn’t do it because it’s sort of topical/news-ish, but enough time has past that nobody gives a shit/remembers. However, it’s pictures with dirty words over them, and that’s what the internet seems to really want out of me, so here we go!
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By Joe |
Posted in the Meta category
September 14th, 2009
Every month (or so) we inexplicably get our hands on reviews of games that have yet to be published. Here’s how we did it this month:
After staving off a pack of morlocks we successfully returned in our time machine to bring you these reviews of these popular games from the future:
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By Tom |
Posted in the Crystal Ball category
September 11th, 2009
I haven’t figured out what to call this type of post yet, but I’ve had a lot of ideas for them lately. The premise is that most of the moments people remember from great games aren’t nearly as powerful as some of the more subtle moments that get overlooked in the same game. This time around, we’re talking about my favorite game, Final Fantasy 6.
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By Joe |
Posted in the Gut Check category
September 1st, 2009
The Internet loves top ten lists. Do you need proof? You’re on the internet right now. And you know what you just did? You clicked to see yet ANOTHER top ten list.
Alright, so this was a tough one. In fact, you’re lucky this article even got finished, as I spent days lying in the fetal position trying to get through the eliminations. Pretty much immediately, you should notice some glaring omissions from the list; namely, anything from the Final Fantasy series. The truth is, I love that series so much, that too many spots on this list would be taken up by games from it. Fret not however, as I have a sneaking suspicion that a Final Fantasy top ten list could be in the pipeline in the near future. I also tried to avoid hybrid RPG’s (Ogre Battle, FF Tactics, etc.) as well as non-traditional games with RPG elements (Castlevania SotN, Castle Crashers, etc.). I also didn’t use multiple games in the game series (Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2). In the meantime, enjoy the greatest RPG games of all time (with those exceptions).
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By Ryan |
Posted in the Lists of Lists of Lists category
August 14th, 2009
With Blizzcon just around the corner, the Internet has been hot with speculation over the announcement of the next World of Warcraft expansion. Top ranking Internet Matlocks have already gleaned the possibility of two new playable races for the popular MMO. However, we here at Bomb Guts have even better sources than those other guys. Not only can we confirm the addition of goblins and worgens to the playable races of Azeroth, we’ve also obtained information about two new race specific classes!
Check inside for more totally legit details!
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By Kevin |
Posted in the Crystal Ball category
July 20th, 2009
Final Fantasy VII may have some of the most iconic character designs of the entire role playing genre. Their larger than life personas were groundbreaking for the time, ushering in a newfound appreciation for anime style character design among Western youth.
Okay, that’s what people like to tell you. Friends have explained to me over and over that Final Fantasy VII includes some of the most well designed character archetypes in any RPG, and that it’s gamer blasphemy to say otherwise. But have you ever really sat down, taken these characters out of context and examined them? Have you ever thought to yourself, “What the fuck is the deal with this douchebag’s hair?”
People claim that these characters were the work of masterful artists skilled in anime character design. I, on the other hand, think a daydreaming seven year old with a twenty-four pack of Crayolas could have done just as great of a job.
Here’s how I think the design drafting at Square would have gone if they had hired a grade schooler over their professional design staff:
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By Joe |
Posted in the Meta category
